Tuesday, November 13, 2012

How To Tell If You're Living With A Chef

List is neither exhaustive nor exclusive.  Not all may apply in all cases.  Mileage may vary.  Warranty void where prohibited.

1. The evening pocket-emptying routine leaves a pile containing some of the following:
  • meat thermometer 
  • Sharpie marker 
  • finger cots 
  • utility knife
  • plastic tasting spoons
  • business cards from food vendors, wine reps or other chefs
  • any of these scribbled on the back of an old menu: recipes, new dish ideas, ingredient/shopping lists, phone numbers from potential catering jobs

2. You recognize other chefs by their pants, shoes or occasionally their stride.  (This is often followed by "Where do you cook?")

3. You find yourself responding "Yes, Chef," when your spouse asks you to do something for him/her.

4. You instinctively say "Behind you" when carrying a hot pan past someone to the sink.

5. When you hear the ding of one of those "ring for service bells," your first response is "Order up!"

6. Your grocery list says things like "chx," "toms" and "pots."  These do not include male cats or cooking pans.

7. When you read a recipe, you skip the ingredients and go right to the method.

8. Recipes are considered as guidance or inspiration, not actual directions.

9. You know the five mother sauces.

10. Not only do you know the proportions for mirepoix, you understand the relationship to things like sofrito and the Holy Trinity (the one from N'awlins, not Rome).

11. Your plastic wrap comes in 2,000 foot rolls.

12. You know the names of more chefs in your town than on your tv.

13. You are not surprised to have an extra course sent to your table when you dine out.

14. You know where to stand in a professional kitchen to be out of the way.  For a minute or two, at least.

15. "Stock" brings to mind giant pots of simmering liquid, not Wall Street.

16. You always ask permission before throwing out bones.

17. There is old, limp celery and/or carrots wrapped in plastic and stashed in your freezer.

18. The company holiday party is in the middle of January.

19. Obscene text messages between your spouse and co-workers make you laugh.

20. You are suddenly aware of all the food vendors' trucks around town, and can recognize their logos from a distance.

21. A free Friday or Saturday night with your loved one is considered a holiday.

22. When planning a vacation, you know where you're going to eat before you know where you'll sleep.

23. Your cookware cost more than your living room furniture.

24. When you do the grocery shopping alone, you spend half as much as when you shop together.

25. Your mother no longer asks if you're coming to visit for Mother's Day.


  1. 1, 3, 4, 9, 10, 11, 15, 16, 17, 22, 23, 24...

    And Fred isn't even working out of the house right now!

  2. That's awesome! Once a chef always a chef ;-) M.C.

    1. See, Miss Chef, it's not just you!

    2. Behind!!! Coming through...hot!

    3. I'll burn your ass if you don't get it out of my way! :D

  3. LOL After hubby and I just cooked a meal together.... something we have NEVER done in 40 years of marriage. We both took a few cooking classes on our recent cruise... and he is smitten with the kitchen! We will get to that list, sooner or later!

    1. Careful, they will sneak up on you!

  4. It must be so tasty living with a chef, though!

    1. Well, you know...there are a few benefits, too. ;)

  5. I have dear friends that own a restaurant and he's the chef. I LOL at this list!

    1. Oh, and I bet they could add a few more!

  6. Made me laugh, thanks! Had to google "finger cots", so I learned something too, an extra bonus!

    1. Ha! Education is just another service I offer.

  7. Great list. What's the celery/carrots in the freezer thing about?

    1. It's for stock. We also have lots of chicken carcasses in there that we collect until we have enough to make a batch of stock. Bones, carrots, celery, onions, whatever fresh herbs make you happy, and a bunch of water. Simmer for hours, strain, make everything more delicious.


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