A Chef's Holiday: Easter

6:30 am: alarm goes off. Six hours already? After a late night last night, and an early alarm today, she definitely needs a shower and some coffee.

7:01: She re-wakes up and hustles to the shower. No time to make coffee.

8:00: Arrive at work; Chef's already there. Is the coffee ready? Oh, I love you Chef!

9:00: Front-of house staff starts to arrive. Lights go on in the living room as they start to set up. Still prepping in the kitchen, already sweating and swearing. "Dammit, who took my spray bottle?"

9:12: "Oh, there it is. Glad I didn't say anything to Chef about his taking it."

10:00: Chef leaves the kitchen to go over the menu and prices with the servers. His final comment: "Good luck."

10:23: The first customers come in the door. Show's on.

10:35: The first tickets hit the window. Ugh; the kitchen hasn't done brunch in months; how does this go again?

10:42: The window's filling up with tickets. "Shit, I need powdered sugar... where is it?"

10:43: "F&*%!! I'm out of powdered sugar!"

11:13: "What the...hey, keep your shit off my station."

12:05: "Table five is up!"

12:07: "Hey, server, Table 5, let's go!"

12:11: "Table five, get this shit outta here; it's dying!"

1:37: The last table is seated--not that the kitchen knows this; the tickets are still flying in.

1:42: Front of house starts placing orders for Family meal.

1:48: Argument with a server over a bacon side that Miss Chef knows he already took out. He insists; Chef digs out the last remaining crumbs of bacon and slides it across the pass. At which point the server says, "Oh, wait; you're right. Here..." slides bacon back "...keep it and put it with my French toast." Miss Chef struggles to resist throwing a knife through the pass.

2:17: Last entrée goes out. Start working on family.

2:30. Start stacking up plastic-wrapped family plates in the window. Still four tables of guests lingering in the dining room. Pantry cook prays they don't order dessert.

3:10: The last table is finally gone. Service staff sits down to eat; mimosas all around! Kitchen staff is still cleaning.

3:30: Chef announces to the whole staff that he's hidden six dozen plastic candy-filled eggs in the parking lot. Miss Chef holds back the crowd in the hallway with the garbage cans she just emptied, until everyone has gathered. Then she makes a mad dash out the door ahead of everyone--most importantly, ahead of Mr. Bacon the server.

4:00: The kitchen staff finally sits down to eat. The fresh fruit is gone. Who do you have to %$#@ around here to get a beer?

4:02: Front of house staff is gone. Kitchen staff mostly stares at each other blearily for a few minutes before recapping the day and talking shit about the servers.

4:30: Finally, it's time for the kitchen staff to leave--except for Chef; he's always the last one out. Miss Chef stops in the kitchen to grab her stuff, and finds a paper bag with a takeout box of pie in it. She thanks Chef, jokes about having a threesome, and heads on out.

6:50: Miss Chef enjoys a lovely Easter dinner of nachos and a cherry Icee while watching Monsters vs. Aliens at the movie theater.

So, what's a chef's wife to do?? Why, sign up for hostessing duty...which is how I got so much inside poop on the day's events. And why I know more or less when the first and last tables were seated. And why my own Easter dinner consisted of popcorn and a cherry Pepsi.

Normally, Miss Chef has Mondays off, but Michele of Bosky Acres has offered to pay her to come out to the farm to make another batch of goat-cheese caramel sauce. Once again, we'll be eating dinner out. But I have hopes for a better menu than last night!

Note: all times and quotes are approximate, and subject to my interpretation for maximum dramatic effect. And the cartoon is actually pretty close to the truth; Chef loves sending crazy notes out to the staff like that, and I wanted to send one in to him just like the one above...only I wasn't sure they weren't too busy back there to appreciate it. Next time...