Saturday, February 7, 2009

"Don't Divorce Us"

Tangobaby and Liz have both posted this on their blogs, from the Courage Campaign. It is a response to Ken Starr's filing to defend the constitutionality of Prop 8 in California, effectively seeking to force over 18,000 couples to divorce.

I thought it would be a cute little show, but I ended up with tears running down my face. I can just imagine the frustration, after the elation of getting married, to lose that long-sought blessing so quickly.

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

If you're interested, there is an online petition at the Courage Campaign website--the Supreme Court hearings start March 5.

I wish Miss Chef and I could get married. When we realized that we were going to stay together for the rest of our lives, Miss Chef declared she did not want a wedding. I thought it was some political or religious issue, but it turns out, she just doesn't want to have a bunch of people staring at her! She's a bit of a wallflower; that's why she likes hiding out in the kitchen, I guess.

Anyway, she has agreed that if we ever gain the right to even a civil union, she will go to the courthouse to be joined with me--but only if we have the minimum number of witnesses! (My parents' presence may be negotiable.) So now, like a 14 year-old, I can once again dream about my wedding day. Unlike my 14 year-old self, though, I am not dreaming of an elaborate white dress and pink flowers, in front of the priest I used to be an acolyte with. A shabby civic office with a perfect stranger is in my dream; maybe a white dress, maybe not. No stretch limo to run for, as all my friends and family toss birdseed in my hair; just a walk across a parking lot to my five year-old car, with our witnesses riding in the back seat. And instead of a grand entrance into a hotel ballroom, a first dance, and tossing a bouquet--maybe a backyard barbeque with a cooler full of beer and some pitchers of sangria. my dream there are butterflies in my stomach, nervous glances with my soon-to-be spouse, probably a fumble with the vows and some giggling. Still..there is the presence of those who love us, the support of those who matter, and the stunning realization that our lives have just changed. There are toasts and jokes and laughter, hugs and tears and life-long memories. We will eat great food and take lots of photos with our friends and family. We might even throw a bouquet. And if we're really lucky, go on a honeymoon...maybe Hawai'i; that would be fantastic.

Someday, someday...believe it or not, I don't usually spend much time thinking about the issue of same-sex marriage, but, when I do, really hurts.

I don't want to turn this blog into a bully pulpit for my politics, but unfortunately, these politics are interfering with my personal life. And that is the subject of this blog.


  1. Oh, look! See, you're so smart... you didn't need my help!

    I'm glad you're helping too. Like The Pink Cowboy said, we're all Californians now.

    Keep your fingers crossed for us, and I'll add you to the list of kind-hearted souls.


  2. Hi Flartus! Thanks for visiting my blog today! I came to visit yours in turn, and what a time to do it!

    Argh...this whole issue makes me soooo mad! Why do people insist on messing with other people's happiness? Is there not enough pain and heartache in this world already? If my neighbor chooses to eat okra, and I hate okra, I don't try to boycott my neighbor's grocery store. What is the difference? Unless people are doing something truly evil and hateful, just live and let live, for goodness sake.

    We have enough negativity to go around for everyone. Bummer about the minimum number of witnesses. I'd join the party - love sangria!

  3. Hi, Flartus - I arrived via Claire's blog! And just in time for your post today - I'm with Claire - why can't people "live and let live" as my Mom always said? The one gay marriage I've followed since the beginning is a marvel of commitment - they've been together longer than my first husband and I were!!! And MUCH longer than I stuck with #2. There are just too many real problems in the world that we should try to fix, instead of hitting on personal lives that are honest and enriched.

    I enjoyed your blog - I'll be back!!

    Nancy in Atlanta

  4. My cousin Kate and Annie are married but they are Californians.
    So Miss Chef is really a chef? I love chefs. Wish I was married to one. :-)

  5. Ditto to everything Claire said, I could not have said it better. The video is both beautiful and heartbreaking and I didn't think it was possible for me to think Ken Starr was any more of a weasel than I already did, but apparently it is. Darn, I just insulted weasels, my bad. My husband and I both signed the petition because we think all committed couples should have the same rights that we do.

  6. Ahhhhhh... you've got me all teary and wishing there was a way for you and Miss Chef to legally commit to one another... thank you for sharin that with us... it's truly an honor.

  7. Thanks to everyone for your kind comments. It's wonderful to find such warmth in the negative swirl out there.

    tangobaby: Glad I could help!

    Claire: I like your okra analogy!

    Nancy: Exactly--how the heck does one defend marriages that already fail half the cutting out people who are willing to fight for it?

    Joanna: I've been checking out that blog; thanks! And, for now, she's a sous-chef, but she's still talented. And yes, I do know how lucky I am!

    Shiloh: Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    Liz: I seem to be sharing more than I ever dreamed when I started this blog!


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